I know that loving him is hard. He won’t always be quiet, you’ll learn this during your first argument with him. It will be about me. He’ll tell you that you’re right, because it’s true, he does love me but you’re wrong for thinking I’m the only one. He loves you too.
I don’t think he’s told you that I called on his birthday, he shoudlv’e because that was the night he chose you for the first time and I know, I know that has to mean something, if not everything. He chose you because you’re everything he knows. He chose you because he thinks your worth it. He chose you because he loves you and I know, I know that he has a rare way of letting you know it but I promise it’s there.
It’s there when you call him at 4 in the morning slurring words that don’t make any sense and he will listen anyways and although, he won’t find a single word to make you feel better, know that on the other end of that phone line, he is just as scared as you are, know that he is shivering, sitting on the front porch of his house, smoking cigarettes to convince hisself that it’s the nicotine making him shake, not you or the way you’re breaking but it’s you. It will always be you.
He will give you everything he has and although there is not much left he will fill your empty hands with something to hope for. He will name the children you haven’t had yet and he will take you home to meet his mother and she will love you just as much as he does. He will let you pick the station on the radio and he will let you ruin all his favorite songs. He will stop drinking for you because he knows you hate it and I will never be able to thank you for that, I cannot tell you how much I tried to make him stop.
So thank you, thank you for picking the bullets I left beneath his skin, thank you for meaning more than I could, thank you for loving him even on the days when the sky was grey.
Don’t give up, he’s worth it.